Fears

Like I predicted before...all the ads, commercials, store flyers, and store specials all have to do with resolutions (mostly losing weight or eating healthy). I thought I would go a different route today and talk about fears.

My number 1 biggest fear! Do I even need to explain...

Nathan's first deployment, I was a mess. I didn't know what to expect, I only got a phone call once every few weeks, and to top it all off I was pregnant. I was deathly afraid of answering the door when an unexpected visitor would ring the door bell. I always thought it would be 2 men in uniform informing me of my husband's death. I was also scared of phone numbers that I didn't recognize for the same reason I just mentioned.

Nathan has deployed 2 more times since then but my fear wasn't there any longer. I knew what to expect, we talked daily on yahoo, and he was in a fairly safe area compared to where he first visited.

Nathan will be deploying again (no I can't mention when) and this time I'm scared. I always say that I would much rather know the day before he has to leave for overseas, that way I don't have to think and worry about any and everything! But then again, if I only had 1 day to prep for everything would I really be sane???? Probably not.

I wonder how many of my friends out there has planned their husbands funeral...just in case, or said their "hey see ya laters" (you never say goodbye) and knowing you won't see them for at least a year. It sucks! Okay, okay this is getting sad and demented...part of life though. On to the next fear.

Second biggest fear is someone taking Emma. This fear started once we moved to Fayetteville.

I'm scared that when I'm pumping gas someone will either a. shoot me or b. hit me and then steal the jeep with Emma inside.

Or...

Some burglar will break into our house and either hurt her or kidnap her.

You know how you're suppose to go over the "fire drill plan" with your family. Well we go over "What to do when a bad guy breaks into our house " plan. That combined with taekwondo and guns makes us all feel a tad bit safer.

On to the third fear...

Me becoming fat!

I know it's very vain and stupid but I can't help it. I weigh myself daily (okay multiple times a day) and the number on the scale determines my mood for the day. It's sad and pathetic but I do NOT want to look like this lady. At first glance, I couldn't tell if that was the front or back of her body (it's the front btw).

Why is it sooo hard to be fit? I love eating but I know if I eat too much I will look like this picture but sometimes I just can't put the cookies down! Self-control...maybe I should work on that. And the exercising, I like to workout but sometimes I don't feel like getting sweaty and stinky and sore. Maybe I should work on not making excuses too!

What are some of your biggest fears?