Kids...yay or nay?

To have kids or not to have kids...that is the question. Every woman will face this question some point in their life. I believe that at a very young age, we girls were taught that getting married and having kids is the normal path we all must take. In high school, I thought this was total BS! It seemed so contradictory, in high school we're taught that if you want to be anyone we must all make good grades and go to college. So that's what I did. I made good grades and went to college.



In college I was studying Psychology. In one of my classes, we had to do a group project were you surveyed a group of people, etc. Somehow I ended up with a group of females who wanted to survey college women about their goals in life. To save you from the boring details, I'll skip to the results. We found out that the majority of college women wanted to finish their degrees, get married, have kids and become stay at home moms. WTF? Why even go to college if you're not going to use your degree. I was so confused and vowed that I would never get married or have children (I've been saying this since high school).



My last year of college comes too soon, and I find myself "in love". Maybe it was the fact that I never really had a serious relationship before and this being my first one, I thought this was the real deal. I thought maybe this is what all these girls were talking about. I graduated from college and instead of going on to grad school liked I planned, I found myself moving in with my boyfriend and working at Denny's 45 minutes from my home town. Not exactly living the dream, but I was in love. Neither of us wanted children. This is the only thing we had in common, well that and a love for Ben & Jerry's. Several months later, I found out I wasn't in love and that I was wasting my time being with this lazy, sad excuse for a man.



Who should happen to come along and save me...my now husband, Nathan. Nathan was in the Army (I never thought I would date a military man) and was loaded with potential. He was career orientated and cute! I gave him a shot and we hit it off. We were married 4 months to the day after our first date. Now, I don't recommend this for everyone. Marriage is a big deal, and how do you really know a person in only 4 short months (we lived in different states too). We had an unusual circumstance to deal with...he was going to be deploying for Iraq in a few short months. It just seemed right to get married (and it's worked for us, 5 years going strong). And this is when I learned to NEVER say NEVER! Andrea...married?!? The girl who never really had a boyfriend is now married. Weird I know...it gets better. So after like 2 months of marriage, we find out that I'm pregnant. Holy crap! Me pregnant? I don't even like kids! I can't be pregnant. While I'm freaking out, Nathan is looking at me in awe with the goofiest grin on his face. Men! This is the second time I learned to never say never!

For the next few years I've become a stay-at-home wife and mother. I've done some in home childcare to supplement our income and also have worked a few part time jobs mainly working with children (turns out I'm pretty good with kids). Although my part time work has nothing to do with Psychology...I do get paid more because I have a college degree. So this is the third time I learned never to say never. I think I'm finally getting what these college girls wanted years ago. Is this living the dream? For me it is, I don't want to go back to school but I would love to have a full time job once our daughter is older. If you never want marriage or kids...that's your choice, just watch what you say or you might be eating your words.



So now being married for 5 years and having a wonderful daughter Emma, who's 4, Nathan wants a second child. I don't want anymore children. I've sold everything that is baby related, anything Emma outgrows, I sell. I don't plan on having more children why keep it around. My family keeps telling me that it's wrong if I let Emma grow up as an only child. Nathan is putting the burden on me, for not being able to try for a son to carry on his last name. Yes, you heard that right...we should try for a son to carry on the last name. Not to try for another child to love and nurture and watch grow up and fill our hearts with joy...but to carry on a name. This makes me not want to have anymore children that much more!



I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic. Maybe I should have children, but I had a really hard time being pregnant with Emma. Nothing health wise, but Nathan was in Iraq. I was a mental mess! I think I'm scared that if I get pregnant again, Nathan will be deployed. That and I don't have the nice "pregnant glow" that all these other soon-to-be-mommies have. I had oily hair with dandruff, acne that reminded me of the high school times, and a triple chin! I didn't look hot! And for the first 4 months of Emma's life, daddy was still in Iraq so I did it all. It was hard! I don't think I want to do that all again. Nathan and I talk about vacations, and traveling the world, buying a house, etc. Babies are expensive and take up like 18 years of your life. Am I being selfish? Am I being cheap? I don't know, but all these things concern me. Let me know what you think.